i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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