Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
