Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
