brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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