The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
