one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
