And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
