i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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