Im at strip club and am horny
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
