Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
