Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
