Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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