i just google imaged poop.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
