Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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