Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
