The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
