Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
two words...techno handjob
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bring me that man meat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize