If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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