I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
