So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
