laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
