Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize