Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
