chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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