it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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