you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
