i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
