I'm drive I can fine osifer
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
