Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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