i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
