Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
