dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
