I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
