Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
