well he's currently spooning the coffee table
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
