so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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