Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
