so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
