No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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