I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
