i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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