Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
