I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
