chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize