ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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