your thong is hanging out like whoa
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
