Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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