i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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