how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
