The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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