There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
