i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize