awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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