Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
