so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
