My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
be right there i have to get my cape
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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