White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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