she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
