i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
