I feel great
I just peed on a car
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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