Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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