First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just had sex bonerless
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wear drunk well.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
