Just took my morning after pill in the library
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
