with your own penis?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
