dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
