Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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