Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
