I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
