the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I love you. Go after that dick
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
