I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
should my penis look like a turkey
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize