My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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