member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
