Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize