dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
