Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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