Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
